Monday, December 15th, 2003
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1:02 pm - Fade to black
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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11:11 am - There are more of them
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Not just crow's feet any more. Frown lines. A few spots on my hands. And I'm sagging, even with a bra on.
Dr. Kraft can't help me. But I need someone to. I can't live like this. I'm supposed to start shooting my new series next month. I have more charity appearances scheduled between now and Christmas.
I need help. And I'm afraid there's only one place I know to call now....
current mood:  scared
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, December 12th, 2003
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11:08 am - I wish my mirror were lying to me.
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I wish I hadn't spotted those crow's-feet this morning.
I wish I hadn't gotten a "this number is no longer in service" message when I tried to call Dr. Kraft.
I wish I hadn't heard why he can't see me. Ever again.
I wish....
I wish wishes could come true.
I wish I weren't so scared, and alone....
current mood: distressed
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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12:04 pm - At last!
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My agent just called--I got the series. Not the basic cable one, either, but the network one. Mid-season replacement, but that doesn't matter. All I need is a chance again.
And who knows where this will lead? TV shows can lead to movie careers these days, if you don't pull a Caruso and step on your own--well, that's not a problem for me. Neither is aging. Not any more.
I really must remember to send a nice Christmas present to Dr. Kraft.
current mood:  ecstatic
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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8:23 pm - I'm back
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The young Rebecca is back. Again. I'm so glad Dr. Kraft was able to see me. If only it didn't take so long to recover from the anesthesia--I had to cancel an interview with photo shoot today, but my agent can reschedule. Plus I have three more meetings for next week. Two with the major networks, one with HBO.
I need the work. Not just for the usual reasons, but to pay Dr. Kraft's fees. He's expensive, but worth it. I'm worth it. Every penny.
current mood: relieved
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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3:35 pm - No!
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I looked in the mirror, and I saw ... her looking back at me. The older Rebecca. The thirty-mumble-year-old Rebecca. The Rebecca nobody wants. Especially me.
I've got to call Dr. Kraft--he's got to see me again. Soon. Today.
No, no, no, I've worked so hard--I can't let this happen--
current mood: scared
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 1st, 2003
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1:29 pm - Young, forever
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No one could understand the pain I was going through. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I could see it. Faint wrinkles around my eyes, deepening slightly every day. Knowing the reason I couldn't get a series, the reason I wasn't getting calls returned from half the industry was age. And there was nothing I could to to stop it.
Well, almost nothing. I tried, once - foolishly..I, I didn't understand. What a vampire truly was. Hollywood mythology - how could I have been a fool enough to believe in it? I, of all people, should know that it was nothing but an illusion.
But - this? This treatment? This isn't illusion. This is real. My skin, it's as smooth and translucent as it was when I was 21. My hair - glossy. Even the way I move, I feel - I feel young. I am young. I'm young again and I will be somebody again.
Starting with my fanbase - they have always been loyal to me. Loved me. This interview I'm going to give today will just be the first step. My name is going to get out there again, in lights. Rebecca Lowell - television, movies - I will be a star.
I should get going - I'm supposed to meet this Winifred at a cafe very shortly.
current mood: determined
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
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3:00 pm - Interview request
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My manager informs me that a local fan wants to interview me for some Raven web site or another--I can't keep them all straight. What an odd request. When I got started, I don't think any show had any web sites. Now I understand there are a couple dozen for "On Your Own"? Amazing.
Well, it may not be People, but never let it be said that I don't appreciate my core fans. They've stuck by me for more years than I care to admit. So I'll see this ... Winifred? What an odd name. I didn't think anyone named their children Winifred any more.
current mood: amused
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 29th, 2003
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8:27 pm - Back again
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Tonight was the Moonbeams charity. Not how I dreamed of returning to the spotlight, but it doesn't matter. I feel better than ever. Like I could take over the world. Make everyone--everyone--love me.
I've been famous since I was 14. I don't know what else to be.
current mood: pleased
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(comment on this)
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rebecca_lowell's journal
dying